From a QWOC in Japan: “I have learned that I cannot do it on my own and that as much as I perhaps took credit for what I knew and what I learned, I realize that I always had a constant source of support to fall back on. Now that these friends – my family – are many miles away, I am left to navigate this world, for the first time, as a true outsider.”
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Put Some Spring in It: A Guide to Online Dating from Sissy Van Dyke
Posted By QWOC+ Boston on April 11th, 2011
The name’s Sissy, Sissy Van Dyke: it’s not just a name, it’s a lifestyle.
With spring hovering on the horizon (a long, seemingly lost horizon for those of us who live in the frosty Midwest), it’s high time for all of us single ladies to get up, get out, and start dating. Now please notice that I said “dating” and not walking around with a hand in the air looking for someone to put a ring on it.
I have observed that a lot of lesbians have issues when it comes to dating, i.e. they can’t. As a group lesbians tend to exhibit more U-Haulish than Stop & Shop tendencies. Yet, I believe there would be a lot less drama in the dyke community if we didn’t immediately fall into, and then spend months, years, or decades trying to claw our way out of, relationships with women who would have made much better friends than lovers.
Being non-monogamous, and having dated dozens of women, I have developed mad dating skills. So, as a public service to my serial monogamist sisters, I’d like to share a few basic dating tips. What better place to start than with the personal ads?
The great thing about personal ads is that you can meet dozens of women from the comfort of your own home without having to buy drinks or pay cover charges. The bad thing about the personals is that what you read is not always what you get. The reason for this is that women who place these ads sometimes tell lies.
I don’t understand why a woman would lie about something that will be blatantly obvious once we meet in person. Does a woman who describes herself as being of average height and weight think I’m really not going to notice that she’s four feet tall and weighs 300 pounds? The women I date come in all shapes in sizes, so there’s no need to lie to me. Besides, if four feet tall and 300 pounds is average, that would make me an anorexic giant.
In any case, here are three tips that I use, and use often, to make my online dating experiences not only memorable but also painless and, in most cases, pleasurable.
Tip 1: Use a Recent Picture in Your Ad that Really Looks Like You
I think it’s very important to let potential dates know what you look like before you meet in person. There’s nothing more discouraging than the look of disappointment on the face of a woman who was expecting Beyoncé when Whoopi Goldberg shows up. The opposite is not true of course. Personally, I think Whoopi is hot, and I’d date her in a New York minute, but if Beyoncé showed up for a date with me instead, well, whoopee!
Tip 2: Always Meet for Coffee for the First Date
I spent the worse week of my life one night at an expensive restaurant trying to chat with a woman who had the personality of a Dixie Cup. Always meet for coffee first. Now me, I could have coffee with a televangelist. Even if I didn’t care about what the person was saying, I could still entertain myself with the stirrers and the various powders from the “enhance your coffee experience” counter.
Tip 3: Set a Time Limit before the First Meeting
If I think a woman is a little sketchy, I’ll still usually meet her for coffee, but I let her know ahead of time that I can only meet for half an hour. When we get together, right after saying “Hello,” I remind my date about the time limit, to make sure the meter is running and the escape hatch is activated. That way, if I end up having to endure the coffee date from hell, after half an hour, I’ll be saved by the ting-a-ling of the little alarm that I thoughtfully set on my phone before she got there.
“Oh dear, look at the time [thank Chronos], I’ve really got to run [as fast and as far away as possible]. It’s been very nice meeting you.” And, I’m outta there! On the other hand, if I’m having a nice time, when the alarm goes off, I could alternatively put on my best disappointed face and say something like:
“Drat, looks like I’ve got to go. But, you know, I’ve been having such a great time chatting with you, let me see if I can reschedule my appointment. Would that be OK?” Now, if my date says, “No! No need,” and starts grabbing her bag and stuff, then she’s probably thanking Chronos that our time is up. No harm, no foul. But, most often, she’ll be flattered that I’m canceling a plan to spend more time with her. I can then step outside for a moment and leave myself a message on my voice mail saying, “I’m in there!”
Some of this may seem a little cagey and disingenuous, but it’s all about saving time, saving face, and trying to meet someone you like (and who also likes you). Dating is very tricky terrain, and the U-Haul is lurking around every corner. However, now that you have this little guide to help you navigate, you can stop making excuses. Remember, if you want to participate in life’s banquet, you have to place yourself on the menu.
So turn in the keys to the U-Haul, Sisters, get out there, and get your dating on!
The Limits of Liminality: Navigating Hipster “Blackness” in Queer Boston
Posted By QWOC+ Boston on April 4th, 2011
I have a confession to make: I’m one of those pesky black folks who primarily socializes with white people, but I can’t help it – that’s the way it’s always been.
As a kid I was a tomboy who loved to skateboard, and ride BMX bikes. In high school, I preferred rock music over hip-hop and R&B, and I went through what can only be described as a tragic hippie phase in college (it was the 90’s, what can I say?). Nowadays, I collect tattoos and my “uniform” includes Vans, skinny jeans, a plaid shirt and a flipped up fitted. As a result, my blackness has been called into question on more than one occasion by other black people, and I’ve been a “safe black” for many a timid white person. I’m also a life long, card-carrying member of the gender nonconforming club, so I’ve learned to navigate fitting in everywhere and nowhere simultaneously.
I’ve been living in Boston for 10 years and one of the most striking features of this city is the self-segregation that permeates various sub-cultural communities. Save for the living rooms of a few close friends and a couple venues, I struggle to find a space where all of my complexities and interests are understood and celebrated, and I know I’m not the only queer person of color who feels this way. We all have to compartmentalize our lives in order to navigate certain spaces for comfort and survival but the type of isolation I feel here is bigger than simply having to wear different hats.
Since moving here, several QPOC community groups have started organizing events, discussions and blogs – this is a beautiful thing. Clearly there is a need to create these spaces, but as much as I’ve tried I haven’t found a home in any of them and I think the reason for this is two-fold: 1) These groups tend to host upscale and networking focused events 2) It took me years to figure this out, but Boston doesn’t have a solid Bohemian scene.
What I’m looking for is probably something I can’t have: a city where unconventional lifestyles aren’t tokenized or romanticized or fetishized. I want a place where the street-wise, the LGBTQQIAS (s is for straight by the way), the radical, the intellectual, and the bon vivant can co-exist in unforced harmony. Boston is not Brooklyn, I know, but still I remain frustrated by the fact that there aren’t more (for lack of a better term) Bohemian people of color around these parts.
I keep asking myself what I can do to change this dynamic, but the truth is that what I want can’t be forced. I work in the night life industry, and a friend of mine (a black trans man) told me that he wanted to support me, but didn’t want to come to my parties because the photos he saw were full of white people. My response was “Yes that is true, but there would be more people of color if you came with your friends”.
People naturally gather where they feel most comfortable and in order for folks from all walks of life to come together naturally, there needs to be a space where we can simply BE together, without categorization or politicization. A place where you don’t have to be an Other. At the end of the day, I just want to live where music, art and culture are ever present.
No tightly run meeting agendas. No name-tags. Just be.
Perdida: Reflections of A Queer Latina Femme
Posted By Perdida on March 28th, 2011
It was about two years ago that I left my husband and partner of 8 years. I knew that the path I had written myself was not the one I was supposed to lead. It broke my heart to step out of the well-known and safe to a world full of questions and unknowns, but I realized that I could no longer deny the emptiness I felt with men. Those curiosities I had had while growing up and well into my adult life needed to be acted upon.
A year ago I pursued romantic interactions with women. I never really knew how awkward I was until I tried to hit on a woman for the first time. I also never realized how many more questions marks I was drawing for myself by entering a world I had no connection to. I soon fell head over heels in love with someone, but found that my heart could just as easily be squashed by a woman. Not only was this my first real adult relationship, but this was my first adult love. I wasn’t sure what the hell I was doing! I was also naïve enough to think that a woman would take more care of my heart than a man. At least I learned that these curiosities were more than a fleeting desire, that I had the capability of being in love with a woman, and seeing a future with her. I don’t know if I will ever close the door on men, yet I now know that I fit somewhere on the spectrum of sexuality.
My first relationship with a woman left me more lost than before. I had always been open to the sensuality and fluidity of love. I never looked at people for their shell. Looks, possessions, and status never mattered to me when looking for a partner. I always thought myself capable of looking into someone’s eyes and seeing into their soul after only a short conversation. Now I was left with more labels to play around with: butch, femme, dominant, submissive, etc. What the hell had I gotten myself into? I thought that at the least entering the queer world would leave me with more options than the machista, Latino, hetero world I had said goodbye to.
I was left on my ass months after my world wind love had started. I was alone, depressed, and more lost than the day I left my ex-husband. I realized that I needed to make a community for myself. My family members and friends tried their hardest to be supportive, but how can you explain queerness to those you love when you haven’t even defined it for yourself? How can you explain to your mother that your lifestyle isn’t a cry for attention? I needed answers. I needed to find solidarity with a group of people who understood where I was coming from. I started to go to QWOC events and my eyes were opened. After attending a discussion on masculinity I realized that we all live on multiple spectrums of sexuality, gender, and dominance, and that I wasn’t alone.
I don’t have all the answers and I never hope to. I hope that this blog will allow me to find more answers within myself, and I hope that other perdidos (“lost”) queer folk will find that I stand in solidarity with them.
Posted in QWOC TALK Blog
First Boi In: On Being a Masculine of Center Woman in Corporate America
Posted By Carolyn W on March 25th, 2011
I’ve heard it said that lesbian femme women come out everyday, in reference to their having to constantly inform people that they are, in fact, lesbians. At this point, the offending party usually states, “You don’t look gay…,” prompting the femme to roll her eyes and retort, “What the hell does gay look like, anyway?” before she walks away.
I humbly submit that Masculine of Center woman have their own version of coming out everyday… at least in my world, I do. And such was the case when I started working at a place I’ll simply refer to as the Company. For the purpose of this blog, think of the Company as your run-of the-mill corporate office. It’s a pretty large corporation with many different people in the office, comprising an employee base of different ethnicities, genders, and communities. But despite the diversity at the Company, I don’t think they ever counted on having a person like me coming in and turning their whole view of gender on its ear.
Now, I’m pretty un-assuming. Catch me on a regular day, and I will probably have on some jeans, a tee, and sneakers. Nothing at all really gender defining (unless you pay closer attention to how my clothes are being worn ). They have had a business casual dress code at most places where I’ve worked. So, I could usually get away with simple Dockers and a polo shirt. No fuss, no muss. But the day I walked into the Company and was told that we had an “all business, all the time” dress code, I have to be honest: I panicked.
In my mind, it should have been simple. I have never had any problem being very out. But it felt like this was about to be an incredibly defining moment in my own journey as a Masculine Of Center woman. Turns out, this moment would prove significant to the straight female corporate trainer as well, because when I raised my hand to clarify, “So, anytime we wear a dress shirt we must wear a tie as well right?” and the room went silent, she stared at me for a good 2 to 3 mins and finally answered hesitantly, “Yes, the men do, yes.”
The very next day I came back into work and did all the dapper bois proud. Black slacks, white dress shirt with a pink-black-white silk tie. Hair freshly twisted with shades on. And yes I turned many heads. I walked in and saw all the ladies in the office look over to watch me walk down the aisle. I finally got to my group and nobody said a word. And then finally one of the female supervisors said “Ooh I like your tie.” My journey as the first boi in the office had begun.
You never really forget the day you realize that not only are you a stranger in a foreign land, but you are the first of a species that those around you have never witnessed. I had to get used to the stares daily. The interested glances of some and the disdain of others. I had to tow the line between curious women and distrustful men. And I had to do it all while maintaining who I was and making sure to carry myself in such a way as not to fall prey to the pre-conceived notions that people around me had just because I wore a tie instead of a dress.
People around me were scared because they thought that because I wore a tie and had a “masculine” demeanor that I was going to be this super aggressive person that they couldn’t communicate with. I was told that I walked in everyday a bit cocky like I owned the place. That people were unhinged by me because not only did I dress like the guys but I OUT-dressed the guys. And all I was doing was consistently being me.
It has been interesting to watch the change in attitudes since I have been with the company. I understand that part of it is me being ME. Always being the happy, talkative, sometimes act a fool, charismatic person that I am. I had to continue to be me. Keep smiling, keep laughing, keep being the positive person that I am. I don’t think my purpose was ever really to change anyone’s mind. I never felt that I needed to because those that are true and genuine would feel that coming from me. The more they saw the positivity running off of me the more they wanted to understand me.
I see the people whose attitudes have totally changed about me and in a sense MOC women as a whole, who have become so much more open and open to all of the interesting twists that I have brought to their day. The girls who love to talk to me and, yes, still love to flirt with me. The men who no longer feel threatened but have kidnapped me and made me the unwilling boi in their boys club. In good fun as well. There have been losses too. I won’t be a fool and say that I don’t notice the ones who can’t get used to having a person like me around. The women who are too scared to talk to me because of course I’m going to try to pick them up. And who make sure to draw attention to any woman that I talk to more than twice. Yes I notice.
But sometimes, I wonder if I’m getting a pass BECAUSE I am so easy to swallow? Will it really be that much easier for the next MOC woman that walks through those doors? I have no idea. But I’m certain I will never forget my experience as the first boi in.
[Erika's Blog] Women’s Rights Issues are LGBT Issues
Posted By Erika Turner on March 4th, 2011
On Thursday, Feb. 17, students at Wellesley College gathered in Harambee House, the cultural center for students of African descent, to discuss issues facing the college community and what changes we would like to see. One major issue we agreed upon was the imperativeness of being aware of and supporting all of the student organizations on campus, especially cultural organizations. “Our issues are your issues,” was one of the most favorable quotes of the night.
Earlier that day, I received an e-mail from the Human Rights Campaign, whose subject line read “Let’s Talk about Marriage.” While such a topic was nothing new, especially from HRC, something about those simple words disturbed me. For some reason, I had been expecting something different.
The e-mail came in the light of recent plans by the Republican-led House of Representatives to severely cut back on funding for family planning and abortion coverage. ($75 million would be cut from Planned Parenthood.) Furthermore, some in the House were attempting to redefine rape, to further complicate the matter of what situations would permit an abortion. One bill allows for hospitals to refuse to give an abortion to a woman, even if it may save her life or refuse to refer her to a hospital that will,
while another permits the murder of abortionists, on the grounds of “defense of the fetus.”
But the biggest issue for me is the attack on Title X, which is a Family Planning Program. Here’s the definition according to the Office of Population Affairs:
Title X is the only federal grant program dedicated solely to providing individuals with comprehensive family planning and related preventive health services. The Title X program is designed to provide access to contraceptive services, supplies and information to all who want and need them. By law, priority is given to persons from low-income families.
To reduce funding for this program would be to reduce the availability of HIV/AIDS testing, gynecological exams, cancer screenings, access to birth control methods, and sexual health education. Also, please note the last line of the quote above: priority is given to persons from low-income families. That means those who can barely afford health care now will no longer have access to any form of it whatsoever. The idea of “talking about marriage,” at a time like this, seems kind of like a brazen statement of apathy and ignorance. Women are being essentially being stripped of their legal rights and treated worse than cattle. (Republican Representative Dan Burton of Indiana recently introduced a bill to provide contraception to wild horses.) Murder is becoming legalized and women are being left to die – and you want to talk about marriage?
Such talk is an absolute slap in the face. It assumes that family planning programs only affect heterosexuals and the women’s rights are not LGBTQ concerns. However, it is clear that Title X protects and provides for men and women of all orientations and that any attack on it is an attack on us. Ignoring its significance is not just ignoring women’s rights – it’s ignoring our health and our bodies.
Of course, it wasn’t only the HRC who seemed to have turned their attentions away from a massive national overhaul of progressive principles. Every LGBTQ blog I’ve come across has little to no mention of Title X or the Republican attack on family planning and women’s reproductive rights – even the lesbian blogs seem woefully silent.
Where is the cry of outrage? How is it possible that I can receive e-mail after e-mail about Prop. 8, DOMA, and DADT – and not even the slightest peep about all of these atrocities? What’s going on?
There is clearly a disconnect about what does and does not affect the lives of LGBTQ people. There is a lack of recognition toward the reality that people with reproductive organs, victims of incest, victims of rape, victims of HIV/AIDS, victims
of cancer, and low-income individuals with little access to healthcare are part of the LGBTQ community. There is a lack of solidarity among progressive groups. There is apparently a faulty belief that each oppressed part of society should focus on their own specific, narrow issues and let others deal with their problems on their own.
When I read that I may not have access to necessary gynecological exams or that my sister may not have access to birth control or that my best friend may not have access to HIV testing, and meanwhile all anyone else can talk about is marriage and the military as if that’s the only thing gay people every have to worry about, then there is a problem.
What happened to the concept of being allies? For those of us who may not be directly affected the conservative Republican assault, it is still absolutely necessary that you recognize and support those who are. While we thank and praise those heterosexual men and women who rally to our side and speak out on our behalf, it is equally imperative that LGBTQ people be called to the stage to lend their support to others.
Women’s issues are LGBTQ issues are women’s issues are everyone’s issue. “Your issues are your issues” or, even better, “These are our issues.” That should have been the type of e-mail I was getting from the gay rights blogs. If you believe that we are equal, you must first act like we are all equal. That includes being aware of issues that extend beyond your own and, sometimes, making them a priority. If people of every race, gender, sexual orientation, and religious background were to do that, the impact of change would be that much greater and it would mean change for us all.
A Warm Welcome for Our Spring Intern, Asha Carter!
Posted By QWOC+ Boston on February 7th, 2011
It is with great excitement that we welcome Asha Carter, our first Development Intern, to the QWOC+ Boston family! We first met Asha at our spring social last year, and then right at the end of QWOC Week, when she confessed that she’d been sizing us up via our last intern’s blog posts and bursts of excitement on Facebook. Apparently, we made the cut! She applied to be our intern this year, and we couldn’t be any more thrilled to have her.
This spring, plan on hearing from Asha via our bi-weekly newsletters, blog posts, and of course Facebook and Twitter! She’ll be helping us get ready for the summer by putting together our Spring Social (during which we recruit brand new volunteers for 2011), and blazing the trail as the lead coordinator of our first Youth Development Weekend in May!
Here are a few words from Asha:
Hey, everybody!! My name is Asha, and I’m a sophomore at Wellesley College. I was born and raised in Atlanta, GA. I’m a Peace and Justice Studies major, with a concentration in Urban Development and Sustainability. I spend a lot of time working on youth outreach, but when I’m not doing that, I sing, dance, act, and spend *way too much* time with my close friends. I’m bubbly, I love kids, and meeting and talking to new people feeds me like nothing else.
I’ve met a wide range of people in the first two decades of my life, but the more I learn, the more I realize how much is left to know–a daunting, but thrilling discovery to make. I’m really looking forward to working with QWOC+ Boston, and having a fantastic semester!
Please join us in welcoming Asha! *applause applause* Leave her a comment of encouragement, wisdom, warning, or warm welcome 
[Erika's Blog] My Last Intern Post — The Summer Ends With A Pause
Posted By Erika Turner on August 17th, 2010
Dear QWOC+ Boston,
If there’s anything I regret this summer, it’s the fact that I did not get the chance to give all of you a hug good-bye last night after we celebrated the commencement of my internship with cake, photos, and, of course, Japanese food. However, I think it’s the most appropriate departure I could have given – a cliffhanger, as opposed to a definite end. If you thought you’ve gotten rid of me, you’re quite wrong. In fact, you are now stuck with me and several of my friends who, after hearing me fawn over you and this internship for the last three months, are now trying to figure out an “in.” One friend asked if you needed an intern for the fall; another asked if any of you were looking to adopt another little sister into the crew.
I send them to you all with pride, armed with the knowledge of how much you’ve affected my life for the better. I would be lying if I said this summer has been easy. With my bouts in and out of the hospital (due entirely to my gift of clumsiness and perhaps slight case of hypochondria), my sanity ceaselessly tested by my part-time job, and my break ups and breakdowns, things couldn’t have been more wild. In the midst of my personal emo lifestyle, I was given more responsibility than I’ve ever been faced with and, given that I respect you all so much, I pushed myself harder than I’ve ever pushed myself before for any one thing. Even with all of your endless support, encouragement, and praise, I still feel that I owe you all far much more than I’ve given and I can only hope that I some day make up for that fact.
I’ve always been a spiritual person and I’ve been told countless times by my mother, pastor, and various women in my family that when God closes one door, he opens up another. As the summer approaches its end, I realize that this reality could not have been more true. As I ended my first year of college, I was faced with the distressing fact that my older sister, who was finishing up her senior year at Harvard, would be returning to the West Coast post-graduation. Though she often complained about her thesis or having a life outside of babysitting, my older sister was my rock and I always knew that, no matter what I had to face during the academic and social catastrophes that often made up my life at Wellesley, she was only a train ride away. It was difficult knowing that I would truly be on my own after her departure. Imagine my pure glee in realizing that as my biological sister figures out her life across the country, I have been blessed with six more adoptive sisters to help guide my way through this crazy city and college life.
I started this internship only wanting a bit of experience in blogging and a nice recommendation letter to leave with. I didn’t expect to be opened up to an entirely new world – that is to say, I didn’t expect to stumble upon my own. I grew up with mostly white friends in a mostly straight setting with not too much variation. I came to Wellesley and was shockingly given the opportunity to meet a few more queer women of color, but was limited only to my campus, limited to conversations only about what we knew, which wasn’t much. We only knew that we weren’t the same as other queer girls or other women of color and for some reason, we felt left out of the conversation. Any conversation. Every conversation. Indeed, the only person with whom I could have a full on, empathetic discussion about my experiences was my sister. And now I’ve discovered that there’s actually an entire community out there that I can learn from, who understands me, and who are having conversations of their own.
12 weeks ago, I was just a black teen with a propensity for writing and women. There wasn’t too much else that defined me. And maybe that’s who I still am and I’m okay with that. But my path is a little clearer now, and my faith in my self and this life is a little stronger. I have a passion that I believe I can follow with a family, adopted and otherwise, that I believe will follow me.
I cannot thank you enough and, while I may give the stink eye to whatever young lady or fellow takes my place from here, I only hope that their experience is just as crazy, just as powerful, and just as life-altering.
But this isn’t a good-bye or even a cliff-hanger. It’s merely a pause – after all, I still owe at least four of you hugs and one of you a Sailor Moon marathon.
Until next time.
With love,
Erika Turner, former QWOC+ Boston Intern
[Erika's Blog]Expected, Accepted, and Embraced: Thoughts on My First QWOC Week
Posted By Erika Turner on August 9th, 2010
I went to my first pride festival about a year and a half ago, I think. It was located in downtown Vegas and, of course, my first reaction was fear and delight. Delight because I had never gone to such an event before and fear because my suburban upbringing had taught me to avoid downtown anything, especially after night. I had gone with a friend of mine who I had been in love with and since she was busy looking out for the girls she wanted to or had already hooked up with, I spent most of the time wandering around and being in complete and total awe. Never in my life had I been around so many gay people before!
The keyword, of course, being “around.” Though I saw and was in the presence of a few hundred gay people, I didn’t actually “meet” any. It was like a park where we all roamed around in little packs of friends and acquaintances and with me being mostly on my own, I was too intimidated to approach anyone I thought was interesting or friendly and mostly stuck to myself.
Still, I was excited and intrigued and preoccupied myself by reading the Short History of Gay People that was printed on a board – noting but choosing to ignore the fact that there were hardly any lesbian history facts. I watched drag performances, drank soda that was far too expensive and had inward squeals of glee when I happened to notice a relatively young lesbian couple or, even better, lesbians of color.
Due to my excitement, I chose to ignore the fact that there were relatively few women, relatively few people of color, and relatively few women of color – unless you counted the two drag queens. It was largely the White Gay Male pride and I didn’t really mind because I didn’t really expect anything different. In reality, I had no idea what to expect and was quite frankly very satisfied just by the fact that they were gay. I knew I wasn’t as comfortable as I could be, but the men in drag smiled at me often enough to feel like I belonged in some way. And, as a queer person, I did. As a woman of color, I still wasn’t “the norm,” but gay or straight, that had been how life was for me in any situation, and I didn’t allow it to hinder my giddiness and excitement there either.
Now flash forward to QWOC Week, a pride festival dedicated to people who aren’t traditionally “the norm,” in any situation. To say that this past week is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before would be a hell of an understatement. I can hardly believe it’s over and I’m really still processing it all.
Where does one begin with 13 events? How does one choose a starting point when her entire summer has been dedicated to and her experience as an intern has culminated in this one explosive week? Honestly, I’m still reeling.
If I try to process each and every emotion from each and every event, not only will my mind explode but I will also bore you to death with the length of this post and I believe both instances will not bode well for either one of us, so let me simply start here:
You could not feel out of place or overlooked at a QWOC event. This was not a pride festival where you could nurse your drink in the corner and glower at all the individuals you didn’t know or wish you could know. It wasn’t possible. Someone, most likely an organizer, would have grabbed you onto the dance floor or into a mix of people and engaged you.
This is what stands out to me the most. Indeed, this past week is one of the few times in my life where I can say I wasn’t the minority – whether due to my race, gender, or sexuality. I was simply myself in a crowd of people, many of whom I had the opportunity to meet with, laugh with, or dance with.
I won’t highlight thirteen events, but I’ll highlight two that truly stood out to me.
Monday night was OUT OF THE BOX: Media and Literary Artists studio, where the Martinez Sisters, Uriah Bell, Letta Neely, Vivek Shraya, and IDALIA, came out to present their work and speak with the attendees. In the days prior to this, I had been feeling tired, frustrated, and, most of all, uninspired, partially due to a concussion I had gotten a week before. Determined to stay on my game though, I came armed with ibuprofen and a lot of energy. I was excited, in any case, because South Asian-Canadian performer and writer Vivek Shraya was going to be there. I happened to own two songs of his because they featured Tegan and Sara, from my download-anything-Tegan-and-Sara-have-ever-produced-ever days, and I felt proud of myself for being “in-the-know.”
Though I came with almost a forced sense of energy at the beginning of the night, there was nothing but sincere inspiration and motivation by the end. After witnessing talent after talent after talent perform and express, I was literally giddy. Of course, I’ve been in many situations before where talent has been presented before me. Concerts, talent shows, poetry readings, spoken word, etc. But something in those situations always made the talented and their work seem untouchable – they were admirable, but they weren’t there to inspire, they were there to perform.
Monday night, however, was entirely different. Though larger than we wanted, the space was intimate and the artists were interested in more than just showing and telling. They wanted to engage with those of us who were in the audience. They looked up from their poetry or their books or their pictures – they looked around and saw us. They felt our presence as we felt theirs and I like to think we were inspired by each other. As an aspiring writer-or-something, that feeling meant more to me than anything in the world. We all mingled after the performances and Vivek Shraya, who is by far the sweetest guy you’ll ever meet, indulged my obsession with Tegan and Sara as we worked the merchandise table. It was a night that I’ll always remember and if I ever do become something of a writer, it will be because of this night.
Then there was Wednesday night – Activism and Karaoke, where we worked with BlackandPink.Org to send out newsletters and personal letters to incarcerated LGBT folks. This night stands out to me for two reasons – one is because I’ve never enjoyed engaging in direct activism so much in my life and two is because it took me so far out of my comfort zone, I almost cried. (I cry watching Animal Planet and iCarly, so don’t worry too much.) I really spent most of my time stuffing envelopes, which can sound like a drag, but it’s surprising how much I really didn’t mind. I enjoyed talking to and being introduced to different people as we all worked together to assemble the envelopes and get them sent it out their appropriate addressee. It was great seeing so many people engaged (that word again) with writing personal and meaningful letters or intent on folding a newsletter the right way. I was excited every time an envelope was passed my way and I remember actually getting bummed out when we ran out. I wanted to do more!
Then came the karaoke, which I don’t like unless I’m with very close friends. It’s something I enjoy so little that it actually makes me a little lightheaded to think about. My sister and her superior stage presence and singing skills owe me many years of karaoke therapy, because of just how much I actually dislike being put on the spot, particularly with a microphone, particularly on stage. Unfortunately, I was not allowed to leave until I put myself in that very situation. With pregnancy breaths and lots of encouragement, I eventually came on stage and sang my high school anthem “Since U Been Gone,” by Kelly Clarkson (yes, I really am that emo), the one song I knew that I knew back to front. The fact that my friend and QWOC+ volunteer Lourdes was kind enough to accompany me offered me a bit of comfort. Then when all of the QWOC+ organizers came out to the front, singing at the top of their lungs with me, I actually sort of enjoyed myself. Maybe. A little.
I was given the opportunity to read at Youth Open Mic during Family Day and then played an intense game of Catchphrase. I was inspired once again at OUTSPOKEN, especially when spoken word artist Jha D performed with Zili Misik, and when Nataly Garcia gave an utterly convincing tribute to the awesomeness that was her ‘fro. My mind was opened at the Diversity Speaks discussion, especially when I saw how many people showed up. Volunteers I had met at other QWOC events prior to the week had become friends I looked forward to seeing as the week progressed.
Indeed, to say that QWOC Week is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before would be a hell of an understatement. It’s worlds away from that singular day in Vegas where, though perhaps welcome, I still felt alien and alone. This past week, I felt expected, accepted, and embraced, which is what I think QWOC Week is all about.
I was taken out of my comfort zone so many times and put into a place that was even more comfortable and if it hadn’t been encouraged, I would never have known. I think many people experienced that same feeling and are, like me, still reeling from it. Still trying to process it and understand it and figure out why nothing else in their life has felt that way before.
My advice? Stop dissecting. Just accept being accepted and ride the high until next QWOC Week or, better still, work on replicating the spaces and instances for yourself and others so that each day can be inspirational and every moment can be engaging. Why wait for one week out of the year where you can feel comfortable in your own skin when you can do it every single day, right? Just a thought.
(Erika’s Blog) We’re Already Speaking Out; Time to Speak UP
Posted By Erika Turner on July 23rd, 2010
As is common for most college undergraduates, I recently had a brainstorming session on what I should do with my life, whereupon it came down to two possibilities: writing or real estate development. Two very different career paths – one of which happens to be potentially more lucrative and thus more practical than the other. (Can you guess which one?)
Then, I read Adaora’s blog, “To Hell With Mainstream Press Coverage: Women, People of Color, and Trans People Should Create and Control Their Own Media Stories.” (Long title, no?) And I thought to myself, “Well damn. Tell me how you really feel.”
It was written at the perfect time and really made me think about how I could contribute to the community by speaking for myself. (Note: Not speaking for the community – but myself as a member of many communities –queer, people of color, women, queer women of color.) As opposed to, say, people who are a part of none of the above.
But this post really isn’t about me – rather, it’s about us: all of us, as a community of people with unique stories to tell, whose voices are not being heard. And the reason why our voices aren’t being heard is because 1) many of us aren’t even speaking and 2) those of us who are speaking, aren’t speaking loudly enough (in the arenas that need to hear it).
Ah, and thus, we turn to QWOC WEEK. As a newcomer to QWOC+ Boston, I’m still learning about all of the components that go into the organization and the different ways in which we contribute to the community for which we’re named. QWOC WEEK, which is in less than two weeks, is the perfect embodiment of just that: arts, music, activism, performance – and most of all, the opportunity for us (thus, meaning you) to speak for ourselves.
One of our newest events is OUT OF THE BOX, a Media and Literary Artists Studio, in conjunction with Rising Voices Press and co-hosted by Somos Latinos and Massachusetts South Asian Lambda Association (MASALA). This studio is meant to feature artistic and literary work by queer people of color and will give guests the opportunity to meet with the creators of the content and provide feedback. The studio is an exciting venture for us, because, though we have always featured performance-based writing, we are exploring and presenting other ways in which people express themselves; many writers aren’t ‘performers’… so we’d like to give writers who ‘read’ their work, a chance to share their words with us during QWOC Week.
As a person who doesn’t feel like she has enough soul or rhythm to roll out a rhyme, I’m happy to see this event come into fruition. I excel only at stick figures, but the literary medium is my personal passion. It’s important that we also recognize the voices of those who do not speak verbally, but through pens and paper; paint and pastels.
Then, of course, many of you already know about OUTSPOKEN. This premiere spoken word and live music showcase produced annually by Spectra Events, is popular for many reasons, one of which is this: some people just seriously love spoken word.
I’ve mentioned the event to several of my friends who have fallen over themselves trying to find out when and where it is, just because spoken word is, quite frankly, the sh*t – if done right. It’s also popular however for the same reason it’s important – it gives people a way to speak their mind about important issues that affect them. It’s different than penning a blog post or ranting on Facebook, though those things can be pretty effective too. (At least I hope so, since I tend to both quite a bit.) It’s visual as well as auditory – it’s more than just the words that express the feeling. It’s how the person speaks, the rhythm of the phrase, the movement that manifests itself with the moment in which the words are being spoken.
The performances we feature each year at OUTSPOKEN are proof that the issues we speak of (whether love or politics, social issues or the everyday mundane) affect us wholly – physically, emotionally, spiritually. And you can hear it. And you can see it. And thus you, too, can feel it.
Unfortunately for many of my friends, OUTSPOKEN is located at a 21+ venue – thankfully, QWOC+ Boston’s got your back. As mentioned in the last post (QWOC WEEK: Activism Meets Diversity), we’re having a Youth Open Mic during Family Day at Stony Brook Park, co-sponsored Boston GLASS. As a queer youth myself, I stress the importance of this event because I know how hard it can be to swallow your fear and speak up. It doesn’t even have to be in reference to performance – we’re young. We think we know everything. Then people ask us what it is we know and we freeze. Panic. We become silent. Often times, it’s because the question “What do you know” can be patronizing; other times, it’s because we don’t even know if we can answer it.
However, it’s important that we do speak. For one thing, we have to start somewhere. For another, we must speak for ourselves, for the same reason that the queer community as a whole must speak for itself.
If you’re an adult and you’re wondering if Youth Open Mic is something you’d be interested in, consider the words of one of our QWOC+ Boston organizers, Ana:
“Youth find ways to speak out, they find ways to create platforms for themselves. So it is not so much that we (adults or QWOC+) give them a platform/venue but that we give them our attention. They will know coming into our space that we appreciate, acknowledge and support their voices and will encourage them to continue being innovators and leaders. And it is important that they speak for themselves because it is their experience that needs to be articulated, not our perception of their experience, along with the solutions to the inequalities they face as a marginalized group.”
And thus we come to the “and friends” of our name. OUTSPOKEN, Youth Open Mic, and OUT OF THE BOX are all platforms for queer people of color to speak. It goes without saying that, generally, we are not given this opportunity every day; these outlets of self-expression were created for just that reason. Therefore, we don’t have specific events for allies to speak at. However, the love and support of our allies is, always, extremely appreciated. Their attention and recognition is one of the things that gives us courage to speak up, that lets us know that people are listening. We encourage their continued support and attendance during QWOC WEEK.
These three events reach out to the diverse talents of queer people of color – but you don’t have to be a performer, writer, or artist to contribute something. In regards to QWOC WEEK events, even showing up counts. Sharing what you’ve seen and heard is almost as important as the performance or piece itself. Either way, you’re increasing visibility and you’re doing something. And that’s all that matters. There’s a voice in action too.
So, then – review the dates below:
OUT OF THE BOX: Media and Literary Artists Studio
Monday August 2nd @ 6PM-9PM
OUTSPOKEN: Queer People of Color Spoken Word and Performance Showcase
Thursday August 5th @ 7PM-10PM
Family Day at Stony Brook Park Featuring Youth Open Mic
Saturday August 7th @ NOON-4PM
We’ve got two weeks; I can’t wait to see you.
10 Tiny Tips: How to Attend QWOC Week (or Any Pride) on a Budget
Posted By QWOC+ Boston on July 13th, 2010
QWOC Week is approaching! You’ve seen the purple ads, the email blasts, the facebook invites, and status updates. You’ve even began spreading / sharing this exciting news to others yourself! Now what? Well, surely the final step to attending QWOC Week is showing up, right? Well… there’s a pretty important step before that, and it usually involves clicking on some “Register” or “Buy Now” button. (Hope we didn’t kill your buzz just now.)
I’m sure you’ll be glad to know that most of the events happening during QWOC WEEK are free — still, I thought it would be helpful to let you know how to get the most bang for the few bucks that you may still need to spend to fully participate; it’s important that our purple pride festival remains accessible to as many people as possible.
Below, we’ve outlined a few tips, tricks, and promotions we’ve put together, to make participating easier and cheaper. Whether or not you take advantage of our suggestions is entirely up to you… Don’t say we didn’t try:
1) Organizers — Did you know that if you’re on the planning committee for QWOC Week — you help plan an actual event, attend bi/weekly meetings etc, and are a designated lead for an event during the week — you earn a full QWOC Week pass? Yup. No strings attached. It ain’t easy putting on events for an entire community. We’d like to reward people who are already paying with their time. Plus, New Organizers bring something fresh to QWOC Week each year, and are the reason our festival’s been so successful!
2) Volunteering — Every volunteer that signs up (here) and completes at least one event shift during QWOC Week earns a discounted ticket towards events happening “after” their shift. As you’ve probably already figured out, it pays (literally) to volunteer earlier in the week, than later — especially if you’re planning to attend multiple events. Warning: Don’t volunteer at events you’d actually like to attend; you’ll be working. Double Warning: We’ll be offering you your comp tickets to the ‘next’ eligible event (so you’ll need to pay to attend events you’re volunteering at, and complete your shifts, before we award you comps)
3) Community Partners — Most, if not all the groups partnering with QWOC+ Boston during this purple festival have been provided discount codes to share with their members. That’s right. If you haven’t gotten an email yet from your group’s steering committee or organizers, we suggest you send them an inquiry (ahem!)
4) Combo Tickets (Purple Passes) — In addition to single tickets, we’ll be offering Purple Passes that grant attendee access to ALL of QWOC Week’s events (unless otherwise specified). These were a huge hit last year. They’re no hassle for us (we get to have a recurring list of VIPP — Very Important Purple People — at the door), and you get to stroll in like you own the place… ok, not really. But you get the picture.
5) Discounted Online Tickets — It’s quite baffling that many people often don’t take advantage of discounted online ticketing or at times, free-with-online-registration RSVPs. Perhaps even a recession isn’t powerful enough to shake human kind’s most popular bad habit — procrastination. PLAN and BUDGET ahead once you peep the calendar. Watch out for email and social media alerts about online ticketing… it most always means that the door prices will take a serious hike (upwards) come deadline. So do your homework, or risk staring open-mouthed at the bouncer as he says “next!”
6) Social Media Perks and Sweepstakes — There are benefits to staying connected online these days, or at least we think there should be. Why “Like” us if all we do is throw marketing campaigns at you. This year, we launched our first Facebook sweepstakes for pride, and asked you to join the conversation in order to win free tickets to either of our pride parties! For QWOC Week, we’ll be offering special deals and discounts EXCLUSIVELY to “Fans”, “Tweeps”, and ”Group Members” of QWOC+ Boston. In fact, each social media profile offers something different. Figure out which of our channels you’d like to tune into and then pay close attention. You just might be the winner of our next giveaway.
7) Sponsors — Now, we’re not asking for money — the revolution will not be funded… But! Say, your organization was feeling generous and wanted to officially sponsor QWOC Week (which would help cover fliers, outreach cards, our website hosting fees etc –our official sponsorship request letter is covered here), depending on which level you choose (i.e. how much you contribute), we’d be glad to put you down as a Purple Pioneer for the year; up to four members of your staff could earn free passes to all of our paying events, and your organization would receive honorable mention on our website, per sponsorship level. Just sayin’. Email pride@qwocboston.org for more details.
Students — We don’t often publish undergrad student rates / door fees, but trust that they are available. If you are a student (or a student ambassador, or administrator who’d like to offer this to your students), it’s better to ask than assume we don’t care about how broke you are already paying for college (and laundry without help from your mom). You’ll need to email students@qwocboston.org to be placed on a student list, and show your student ID to pay cash at the door. Better than nothing right? We gotchu.
9) 3rd Party Raffle Prizes – From time to time, local organizations, promoters, event-planners, and other do-gooders will reach out to us to donate raffle prizes to their cause. Now, we can’t ever offer anything except tickets/passes to some of our events. This is particularly true during the spring and fall, during fundraising high season (at least it seems that way). Even if this particular tip isn’t the most direct or sure way to earn free tickets to QWOC+ Boston events (unless you’re that lucky person who wins everything), the message is that we are VERY committed to supporting the work done by other people in our community, and moreover, rewarding QWOC+ Boston folk who do so!
10) Where’s Your Posse? (Group Tickets) — Every stumbled across a deal sooo good you didn’t want to share? We’re so grateful for those of you who show up time and time again to QWOC+ events, but the truth is this: we wouldn’t be here if you didn’t continually spread the word about us (and our mantra “Diversity Speaks”) to so many others, and bring them with you 
. This is why we often offer discounted duo (2), posse (5), or entourage (10) tickets to QWOC+ folk who are generous enough to share us with their friends and network. These group tickets are our way of letting you know that the more people you bring, the bigger the break you’ll get.
So, how about it? Ask your co-worker to come with you to the next QWOC+ Boston event — or your always-busy significant other, your new crush, your brother, even your mom and dad are welcome. We’re only as strong as the ‘whole’ communities and networks we welcome into our space. And that means all of you.
I hope these tips have been helpful. Please share this list with others so that they too may save a few dollars while supporting QWOC+ Boston during pride season. We look forward to seeing you all in August!
Diversity Speaks.
